Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
That accounts for only three of the penises
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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