oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
