break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
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