lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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