is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Did I show you my penis last night?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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