This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Randomize
