its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
