After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize