hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
