Already got asked if we're dating
your thong is hanging out like whoa
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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