Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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