I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
