Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
did i just pee glitter
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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