If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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