What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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