my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
