Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
