so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I need to calm my uterus...
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
