i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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