We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
