It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
