theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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