from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
