Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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