Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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