Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
