At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
