The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
