I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
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