No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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