just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
