We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
