Need sex. Gaining weight.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
