so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
