Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
