I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
