Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Randomize
