The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
