do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
