what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
