Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
