i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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