Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
