tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I am one with the molecules
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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