I wanna bring you to show and tell
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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