Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
