I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
