Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
