you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
