When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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