Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
my sisters under your porch take her home
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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