I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
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