i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
