i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
