You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
