Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
