She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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