I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
