I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
