Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
