but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
