i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize