We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
