soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
