i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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