It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
