Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
