sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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