I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
