OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
please don't ironically join a cult
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