Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
