did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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