I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Can vaginas get frostbite?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
