I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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