I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
