i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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