come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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