1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
