he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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