the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I bet he comes in French.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
