life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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