Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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