DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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