I'm eating all of the evidence.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
