i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Even my vagina gasped.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
