you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
