didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
