remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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