Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
