Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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