Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
