i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
