Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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