my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
