so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
